Diane Marie - March 2009
In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:6
I heard myself say, “I’m wound up tighter than a clock”. And it was true. I had pushed myself beyond a healthy stopping point, thinking I could handle the physically and mentally strenuous task of moving my mother-in-law out of her home and into a convalescent hospital. She was no longer able to care for herself or to make appropriate decisions in her life. The stuff that constituted her entire life needed to be packed up, sold, or given to charity. The decision making process of what to keep and what was to go was emotionally draining. But that wasn’t the all of it…the physical activity of going thru all her belongings, cleaning and scrubbing, wrapping, packing, moving and storing her life’s belongings made my body ache. Weariness set in and soon I was overwhelmed.
Somehow in the urgency of events that had led to this drastic change in my mother-in-laws’ life as well as our own, I had forgotten that my body and mind needed some time for healing and refreshing. Then came the morning that I found myself utterly and profoundly exhausted to the point I couldn’t get up off the sofa. As I sat in the quiet of my living room, not even allowing my mind to think of what I’d been doing or what yet needed to be done, the peace of the Holy Spirit came over me. I felt the tears of His Holiness run down my cheeks and I opened my heart and my mind to His comfort. I began to understand that I was straining my being beyond its natural ability, trying to achieve perfection by doing it all quickly and efficiently. When others told me they were amazed at how I was getting everything done and making it look so easy, it only served to further encourage me to push myself harder. I hadn’t asked for help from family or friends; but more importantly, I hadn’t asked for help from God, either. This day of sitting in my home was the defining moment of facing one of my “giants”.
In Numbers 13:33 (King James), eleven of the twelve spies sent into Canaan to report on God’s Promised Land, the “land of milk and honey”, returned saying, “There we saw the giants; and we were like grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we were in their sight”. Those spies feared the strength of the inhabitants of that land due to their immense size and the fortification of their cities. The spies focused so much on their fears that they lost confidence in themselves and forgot that it was God who had promised their people this land. But Caleb remembered God’s promise and in faith he quieted the people saying, “Let us go up at once and take possession, for we are well able to overcome it”. (v:30). He knew it was God, and not the people, who would overcome all adversity. As I reflected on how God wants us to come to Him in all our needs, no matter their size, I recognized one of my giants…my fear of looking weak, incapable, and ordinary. I had been thinking God would be happy with my works, seeing how diligently I applied myself to each task I endeavored. But instead I had unwisely required of myself to go beyond that which I could reasonably accomplish.
God gives us the freedom of action; but, knowing our limits, He wants us to show willingness to let Him work in us His own will, His pleasure. By taking it all on myself I denied Him that pleasure. I cannot always be working for God. I must learn to sit still and let Him work His will in me; in that I will receive the refreshing of His Holy Spirit that is the true worker in me. Only thru the Holy Spirit can I come before my God with works that are acceptable to Him. In Him is my perfect strength to do all things. Perfection is God’s gift.